A Microcosm Of Everything

micro-macroIn a fractal universe, everything is a microcosm of everything else. Infinity is funny stuff. People usually think about infinity as being infinitely big–but they tend to forget that it is also infinitely small. It all spirals outward, then in again. It’s hard because any language you use to talk about this stuff just sounds like hoodoo. At a certain level, there is no difference between “science” terms and “magic” terms.

I guess I’m feeling introspective. I’m at one of those crossroads in life that happen again and again. Each life being a microcosm of the universe, there is a pattern of spiraling outward and coming back to center. Birth, life, death, rebirth. In metaphorical terms or quite literally, depending on your point of view. The sun is setting on a number of things from my youth. It has a been a rest period. A brief winter and then a time of tilling and the sowing of seeds. The barest shoots have just barely started to break the soil, and the first breath of spring touches the air. But before spring there is the frost, the bare branches wanting pruning, a winnowing and honing, a breaking off of old, rigid, bark and splitting open of the complacency of the cocoon.

Back to the article:

“I’m desperate to hold onto the youth I feel slipping through my fingers, yet I want nothing more than the fabled stability adulthood brings. It’s a gutwrenching feeling of fear, uncertainty, and an overwhelming desire for everything to just “be ok,” even though I know know what that means yet.”

Lifehacker describes this crisis as such:

*starts in late 20s/early 30s (can occur multiple times, and can happen later. In fact it used to occur later and is only recently geting earlier.

*Has to do with the transition into “real” adulthood

*Has to do with the way you are treated by society-at-large during this phase. You are now out of college, paying your own way for the first time, etc. but you still get mixed signals from society.

*Manifests into a sort of “imposter syndrome” that’s “hard to shake” (feeling like you’re faking or playing at being a “real” adult.)

*Eventually you spread yourself too thin and it all unravels.

*This time in your life breaks down into 5 phases:

  1. Feeling trapped by life choices living on autopilot
  2. You get a sense of “I’ve got to get out of this,” and feel a growing sense that change is possible if you take a  leap.
  3. You “leap.” Quit the job, end the relationship, or whatever
  4. You begin rebuilding your life slowly but surely.
  5. You develop new commitments that are more inline with your interests and aspirations.

I’m currently a little stuck in phase 4…

I think I sensed these things, even though I hadn’t thought of it formally as a “crisis.” When I look back, I see how my leaving Humboldt Bank, and eventually Finnish Country followed this pattern. The thing is, up until recently I *have* had hope. I *did* feel like everything would be ok–it’s only as the thing has seemed to become drawn out with no resolution that I have started to be afraid. I’m conscious of time passing, of age, etc, and this makes me feel like my time is too short to still be fumbling around in the dark.

Lifehacker sums it up perfectly: “The discussions I have with my friends usually circles around the same things: we think we know what we want out of life, but we don’t know how, and we don’t know when it will happen.” So what does LH say to do?

*Work on your Emotional Intelligence

* Tackle what’s making you feel trapped directly. Try to work with what you have rather than cataclysmic changes (esp. At first)

*Manage your expectations and be realistic about what you can achieve.

*When you reach phase 4 it is vital that you don’t set yourself up to repeat the same mistakes(Which would eventually lead to another crisis and repeating the process.)

*Don’t give up on your dreams, but be fluid and adaptable. Be patient and set realistic goals you KNOW you can achieve.

“Once you start creating realistic, manageable plans to deal with your biggest stressors, you’ll have a much easier time keeping yourself out of the same kind of crisis in the future.”

* * *

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